Twins 8, Dodgers 2

Mauer's stats last night: 4 hits (including a triple and a double), 5 RBI
Mauer's current batting average: .377
Mauer's current ranking in the All Star votes: 3rd

While this is two places better than he was ranked last week, he still has a ways to go to catch up to Pudge and Tek. I mean, I get it -- Pudge is probably the greatest American League catcher of the past 20 years or so, and Tek is, well, the captain of the Red Sox. But c'mon people -- this is absurd. And it's not just Twins fans who are making the case for Joe these days. MLB.com has an article up and Yahoo! sports is featuring Mauer on their MLB splash page, linking to this column (which reports that Mauer is currently dating Miss USA -- sorry, Lisa).

Seriously, even if you're not a baseball fan... click the button and vote. If you've already voted, get another gmail account and vote again.

And for a Joe M. that children should not strive to emulate, check out this clip of minor league manager Joe Mikulik flipping his lid on the field.

Twins 4, Astros 2

Before I get to the game, I'd like you to all note the new graphic along my sidebar as I ponder the following question: Why isn't Joe Mauer leading the All-Star ballot for catchers? Going into tonight's game, his .377 BA leads the majors. He also leads all catchers in runs (37), hits (89), doubles (19), and stolen bases (7). By comparison, Varitek, who is leading the vote, is hitting a paltry .262. (I realize that the bulk of the people who read this who are so inclined to vote would never vote against Tek, but it's worth trying.) So click on the button over to your right, get your 25 votes in (or more if you care to use multiple e-mail addresses), and vote Joe! (And if Joe Mauer himself should read this, call me.)

Onto to tonight's game... the return of The Rocket (which means that it was broadcast on ESPN, so I had a chance to watch myself some Twins baseball). Clemens had a quirky start -- first pitch strike followed by what looked like was about to be excellent fielding to stop a Luis Castillo single from making it up the middle... only he bobbled it and Castillo reached on an error. After such an odd beginning, the game turned into a solid pitcher's duel between Roger Clemens and Francisco Liriano... that is until the 3rd inning.

After Liriano did his duty as a pitcher-at-bat and struck out, Luis Castillo came up to face Clemens for a second time, this time hitting a legitimate infield single followed by a stolen base to put him on second. Chairman Mauer grounded out (but it's okay, he's still my favorite), to bring up Jason Kubel, who hit a long double to deep left center to score Castillo. Kubel came around himself on a 3-2 single by Michael Cuddyer, bringing the Twins up 2-0.

Clemens lasted a few more innings, but was relieved in the fifth, trailing the Twins by two runs. The most the Rocket could hope for in his big comeback was a no-decision. But the Twins did their best to serve Clemens the loss. Justin Morneau was the first batter up after Roger hit the bench, and he jacked a homer to right-center field, putting the Twins up 3-0. In the eighth, my boy Joe finally demonstrated his sweetness by singling to left and later scoring on a Torii Hunter single to bring the Twins to 4 runs.

In the meantime, Liriano demonstrated what a pitcher in his prime can really do, taking a shutout into the eighth before giving up a short two run homer to Jason Lane. Rumor has it that the left field fence at Enron Field isn't actually legal distance from the plate anyway. Joe Nathan, touted as one of the best closers in baseball, came in in the bottom of the ninth, striking out two on his way to retiring the side and earning the save.

Nice try there, Roger... wasn't quite enough though.

Al's House of Porn and Pancakes

The phrase "house of porn and pancakes" does not exist on Google. Hopefully by tomorrow or so this will change.

And Jenn's bachelorette party is going well. What we have learned so far:

1. She's marrying Arnold Schwarzenegger.
2. She will live in a house with a yard in New Jersey.
3. She will drive a garbage truck.
4. She will be a pole dancer.
5. Her honeymoon will be in Appalachia.
6. She will have no children, but two cats.

(Did you ever play MASH as a child?)

Word of the Day

placentophagy, n. -- the act of mammals eating the placenta of their young after childbirth

What might inspire such a word of the day, you ask? A combination of the latest news from Wellesley College, and an e-mail conversation with one Mr. Ryan Williams, who assures me that he would never dump his wife's placenta in the nearest pond -- he's planning on cooking it up for dinner. (Long ago I promised him that if he was around when I gave birth, he could have the placenta for just this very purpose.)

While it might not look appetizing, according to the wikipedia article it's quite natural amongst most mammals. In addition, there's a possibility that it may prevent post-partum depression and reduce post-labor pains -- not to mention that it apparently tastes like veal. Sounds like a good deal to me!

Twins 5, Red Sox 3

As most of you know, this is the one series a year in which I am not a Red Sox fan, so as the rest of the Sox fans wallow in the pain of their Minnesota sweep, I'm actually quite content...

(Oh, give me a break... I had to watch the Twins lose 18-1 back in April. They have a lot more ground to make up if they want to win their division than the Red Sox do. Six of the last seven is a good start, even if three of them did come at the Sox expense.)

I only caught the last two innings of tonight's game, so it sounds like I missed an outstanding pitching performance by Carlos Silva. But I did get to watch David Ortiz's opportunity to prove whether or not he's the best clutch player in baseball. If we go by just tonight (how's that for misinterpretting statistics, Jeff?), his RBI single in ninth demonstrates that he's good... but not good enough. And Manny, who followed Ortiz by striking out to end the game and also struck out in the eighth with the bases loaded, is definitely not my pick for a clutch situation and never has been.

Edit: Checking the recap online, it sounds like I missed a speaker ball in the sixth -- Ortiz maybe should have been the game's hero, but his potential homerun bounced off the speakers and landed on the field for nothing more than a single. Ah, the joys (or horrors, if you will) of indoor baseball.

Pictures Two Months Later

I finally got around to recharging the batteries on my camera and was able to liberate the pictures from my trip to San Francisco... which was now over two months ago. Without further ado (because you all care), they're here. I am most pleased with the picture of me and Willy Mays (at right), but I also like the shot from my 27th floor hotel room in which you can see a cable car going by. And of course, there are also the requisite pictures of Anand and Breath looking like the dorks that they are, and a few close ups of the Wizard I cross-stitched for Breath <insert old maid joke here>.

Rain Delays

What I failed to mention in my last entry was that I almost decided to go to tonight's game with the MIT Club of Southeastern Michigan. But because Detroit is a good 45 minutes away (with no traffic) and I was already going last night with the housemates, I opted against it. This morning as I woke up, I was thinking that I made a mistake.

However, since the game is currently delayed due to rain, I've decided I made the right choice. On the upside, the WB is instead playing an episode of Cheers, "Now Pitching, Sam Malone" in which Sam relives his former Red Sox days by acting in a commercial. It almost makes up for the lack of baseball.

Only not at all.

Red Sox 3, Tigers 2

Yoooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukilis!

But I get ahead of myself.

Yesterday five housemates (including three Red Sox fans) and I headed out to Comerica Park to catch the first game of this weekend's Boston Red Sox-Detroit "Best Record in Baseball" Tigers series. Given the group's desire to sit in cheap ($15) seats, we were up in the upper deck. As a side note, I've decided that my dislike of upper deck seats comes from growing up with the Metrodome -- the higher you are, the closer you are to the ceiling, and the more you are reminded that you are inside. However, at an outdoor park, the higher you are... well, you're just higher and with a more bird's eye view of the field. But it's not at all stifling like it is in the dome.

And then there was the game. It's started bleak for the boys from Beantown, with the Tigers scoring a quick run in the first on two doubles. The Sox finally answered back in the fourth when the cereal beat out the chicken, as Coco Crisp got a single off of Kenny "Roasters" Rogers and later scored on a Manny "not named for a popular food brand" Ramirez single to tie the game at one a piece. But the even score didn't last long as the Tigers came back with a run in the bottom of the fifth on a handful of singles to put the Tigers in the lead.

At this point, the Windsor Canadians behind us and the Toledo natives in front of us began to get ruthless. I at least gained some sympathy from the Toledoens (?) when I told them that I was also a Twins fan who had been at the 18-1 clobbering. They proceeded to attempt to "out do" my suffering by explaining the torture that is being a Mud Hens fan. The Canadians, however, would have none of it. But they did have plenty of beer.

And so it came down to the top of the ninth, with Manny and TeK due up. (And by the way, no one gets the VariTeK/LaTeX jokes here.) Yet Manny grounded out to short and Varitek popped out foul to third base and suddenly there were two outs and things were really looking bleak. It was all up to third baseman Mike Lowell, who won his World Series ring with the Marlins in 2003. Lowell kept the game alive with a sharp single to center, bringing up Kevin Youkilis.

Youkilis started the at bat with a first pitch strike, and the Canadians started getting really obnoxious. "Two more!" they screamed. But there would be no more -- Youkilis shut them up by hitting a homerun just over the left field wall, pulling the Sox ahead for the first time in the game. Suddenly we became the obnoxious fans and the Toledoens turned their caps inside out in the hopes of a Tigers rally, which was not to be. Jon Papelbon came in in the ninth to quickly mow the Tigers down one-two-three, including two strikeouts, and get the save.

Fun with Amazon.com

It seems that Amazon has increased the capabilities of it's "Look inside this book" feature, which used to just show you the first few pages. Now it's been changed to a "Search inside this book," for select books. (How this doesn't violate copyright, I have no idea... there are books of sheet music I could hypothetically get away with not buying. I'm not saying I would do such a thing, just that it's possible.)

Now here comes the fun part... for me. For you, this is the part where you secretly think to yourself, "Boy, she's narcissistic." But then again, that's what blogs are for.

Go to amazon.com and search for Vagina Warriors. (Or just click that link.) Now click on the cover image to "search inside" (and if you're Johnston, be sure to do this at work, where I'm told you have a 21st century browser). Enter the string "erin rhode" into the search field. Click on the results (page 79) and read my cheesy quote, which I made up on the spot because it sounded good. Now click on the little left arrow to go back to page 78 to view my picture.

And if you're the nagging type, this is where you can rag on me because it's obvious that we both pulled those shirts out of the dirty laundry that morning. But doing so got us photographed for this book, which led to meeting Jane Fonda, which I would like to think puts me only two degrees away from my favorite actress, Katharine Hepburn (via On Golden Pond).